The following is an excerpt from my recent book, Ascension: Embracing the Transformation. It addresses an inexplicable fear some of us are encountering at times on our path of Ascension—a fear that something frightening or unpleasant might happen if we continue to fully awaken to who we are.
Fear of Awakening
Consciously, of course, we all want to fully awaken to who we truly are. However, we may have unconscious fears about this happening.
For instance, we may fear our own awakening because of how it might impact our relationships and our comfort around other people. Marianne Williamson speaks eloquently about this particular fear:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
“We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
We Have Been Punished in the Past
Another fear a number of people are becoming aware of is a fear that if they fully awaken, something terrible will happen to them. From what I’ve seen in healings I’ve given people on this issue, many of us have had lifetimes in which we attained a high degree of awakening; and for whatever reason, we were either tortured, burned at the stake, imprisoned, or otherwise punished for expressing what we had come to experience. Thus the subconscious fear (although intellectually understood to be unfounded) is that this might happen again.
We Have Made Mistakes in the Past
Another past life scenario that can play into the fear of awakening is one in which we may have awakened and then assumed the role of a spiritual teacher, prophet, or leader of some kind. And in that role we abused our power, bringing harm to others. Subconsciously, we fear being back in that position again and making the same mistakes.
I myself have had to face this fear over and over again. I’ve known I’ve had karma for abusing power in more than one lifetime. These memories have caused me to feel anxiety about moving forward into positions of power for fear of abusing it this time around, as well. With this fear, until recently, I somehow managed to sabotage every opportunity I was given to rise into a greater position of power and visibility in my life, subconsciously believing I’d be struck down and somehow punished.
There came a point in the last couple of years when I could no longer continue acting from this fear. I have simply kept moving forward into work that gives me ever greater power and visibility. But I do so with great care and a trust that I will maintain my integrity and commitment to assisting people in the best way I know how and not make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past. I’ve learned to hold a constant awareness of my motivations and actions.
“Fixing” Ourselves is Not the Answer
Even if we find it is fear that is keeping us stuck on a plateau, it’s helpful to remember that moving back into a mode of attempting to fix ourselves is not the answer. There is nothing broken. There is nothing wrong with us. There is simply a deep fear sitting on the road in front of us, waiting to be met.
Effective Ascension work is different from how many of us learned to “work on ourselves” in the Third Dimension: through digging up the past and then re-experiencing the suffering and analyzing it in depth—all in hopes of somehow fixing and healing ourselves toward creating a sense of wholeness.
What works better in the Fourth Dimension is keeping a focus on what is already perfect and whole, and enhancing this awareness through being positive and compassionate with ourselves.
An intention to focus on love is also very important. Just as remembering that loving all that appears in our lives is the most effective way to face the existential fear of emptiness that occurs in the Void, this approach is just as effective in addressing a fear of awakening, as well.
At some point we simply need to meet the fear head-on with trust and courage, feel it completely with acceptance and love—and see what happens. What we can usually discover is that the fear, being illusory at its core, dissipates and finally disappears. And we are left standing—not only unhurt, but stronger and more fearless than ever.
This process of facing fear may take a while and a number of sessions with ourselves before it totally dissipates. But it does work. It works because, in the end, we find that the fear is merely an ignorant third-dimensional reaction to an illusory threat.
Look at What Has Changed
There are times in the clean-out phase for a lot of us when it feels as if we’ve been moving through challenge after challenge in our Ascension process and yet nothing much seems like it has changed in our life to make it all worthwhile. I find it can be helpful to deeply inquire about whether this is actually true. I discover that if I do this, even when things may be tough or depressing, I generally find that much within me and my life has really changed for the better.
If you find yourself in that position, ask yourself: Aren’t you more aware than you were two years ago—and not just a little more so, as might have happened in the past? Isn’t there something inside you that is now stronger and more resilient? Don’t you have a better understanding of what love is about—true, unconditional, spiritual love?
Think about it: Don’t you have days in which joy just bubbles up in you out of nowhere for no reason at all? Or times, in the middle of great irritation or even despair, when you’re suddenly inexplicably drawn into a profound inner peace? Maybe at times you’re so filled with love, you’re in tears?
And perhaps you’re even having experiences in which you sense a karmic contract has just completed itself. Indeed, that maybe all karma in your life is coming to a close?
Many of us now walk around with a greater sense of inner peace. Less mind chatter. More self-love. More acceptance of life simply as it is. Greater detachment and ease. And more and more prolonged glimpses of utter freedom and knowing of who we truly are than ever before.
All these experiences are signs of Ascension, both the difficult and the wonderful. Occasionally these two types of experiences—joy-filled ones and painful ones— happen all in the same day, or even simultaneously.
Read more about different aspects of the Ascension process many of us are now experiencing in Ascension: Embracing the Transformation — both the challenging and the exciting. And discover ways in which to navigate the often unfamiliar waves of energy involved in the process with both ease and passion.